i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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