I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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