Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
