People in love make me want to vomit
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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