If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
