Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
