M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
