I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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