why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
