The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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