my soul wont recognize me after tonight
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize