So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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