Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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