I can't watch pbs sober anymore
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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