I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
