So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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