I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
