i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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