Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
