i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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