I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
