My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
