Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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