just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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