the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
