Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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