maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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