I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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