I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What drink are we having for lunch?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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