I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
