did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize