I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
