Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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