So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
