I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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