he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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