The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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