I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
