She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
