Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
