Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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