This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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