Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
