dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
