Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
