I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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