The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
