dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
