who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
