Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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