haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
