Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
