Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
