He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You can't just leave with hair like that
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
