my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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