Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
