i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
