Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You don't make any sense
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