i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Terrible idea I love it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
