Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize