We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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