So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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