Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Randomize
