U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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