Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
