How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
