i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
