and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
