I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
