I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
