stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
