There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
