My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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